If you have lost your spouse and experience periods of loneliness, you are not alone in how you feel. During the grief coaching process, there is a noticeable pattern with the widows who have shared their experiences with me. Although every person’s grief is a unique journey, there is the common thread of loneliness that is felt for quite a while after the death of a spouse.

Coping with loneliness is one of the most profound and pronounced aspects of the grieving process. Even the person who is well-equipped on how to handle their own bereavement process may still find herself working through this period of loneliness as one of the hardest parts. It’s not something you can easily prepare for.

Having your spouse at home when you walk through the door is, many times, disregarded until that person is no longer there to greet you, or even to feel his presence. Knowing that he will be back shortly, “hogging” his side of the bed or making loud noises is most of the time taken for granted that he will be there forever. It’s when he is really gone that you tend to notice all the habits that he had, as well as missing someone to talk to and to make decisions with. This is the time during the day or night that widows seem to truly feel the loneliness.

While loneliness during the grieving process cannot be completely avoided, doing things you’ve always enjoyed doing helps alleviate some of the pain. It’s important to take care of yourself and your needs. Getting out of the house and being out in the world may seem difficult during this time, but it is necessary for growth and getting through the long journey of grieving. Maintain balance by keeping yourself busy, but not burying your grief, with various activities. This can help you move through periods of loneliness more easily.

Feeling lonely is a universal feeling that most widows experience. If you know of others who have lost spouses, get together with them and move through this journey together by starting or joining a local support group. You can even talk to your loved one as if he is with you, or perhaps get a pet to keep you company. Journaling about your feelings is also helpful and will get you through these tough times. These suggestions will never replace your spouse, but they will assist in getting you through this tough time and move into your “New Normal”.

Give yourself plenty of time to grieve because there are many emotions that you will go through –some good and some bad — but make sure to fully feel them and not run away from them. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Mourners have the right to feel whatever emotions surface and are justified in the many ways in which they deal with grief, especially feelings of loneliness.

Many Blessings on your Journey,

Tania
Certified Bereavement Coach | Chronic Illness / Cancer Recovery Coach